so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
