hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
