Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
