I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
