At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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