Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
