That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
