i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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