On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
