God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
