Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
