is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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