I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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