I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
