Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
