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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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