loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Ladies don't puke and tell
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
