She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
false alarm, still single
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