Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize