I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
