I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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