do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize