look no pants
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We need to rekindle our bromance
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
