I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Floor bacon is actually really good
The Olympian is in my bed
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
