ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
