I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
