Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
