There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
