I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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