I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize