I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
