omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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