You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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