shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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