...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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