Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
