On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
