There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Someone signed my nipple.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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