i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize