I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
