i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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