Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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