Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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