I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Sext me about skeletons
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