he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize