So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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