Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
