Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
