That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
