You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
