No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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