Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
