im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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