I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
