he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
