Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
