all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
