but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
