Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
