My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
