Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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