pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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