I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
