i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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