I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm getting married
To pizza
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
