Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
