Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
