If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
