Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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