i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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