you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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