You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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