Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
How naked do you want me to be?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
