may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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