So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
