i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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